I just finished reading Good Omens for the first time and it reminded me why I think Neil Gaiman is a god. I have to re-read Sandman; it’s been at least a year since I’ve last read it and I’ve just been browsing the tumblr tag, remembering how good it was. If you guys haven’t read it you should get on that.

(Source: hegemon)

I can’t find a purpose in anything anymore. I don’t know who I am I don’t know were I’m going. I kind of bumble in and out of consciousness. I kind of bumble in and out of everything. I rant here and I rant there. My thoughts drift into letters, into numbers, into a language I can barely understand. Not English or Spanish or anything in between. Something different. An awkward voice. A cry.

But what does it matter? It doesn’t matter what I do or say because I don’t matter. That’s something hard to overcome. That’s something hard to accept. You don’t matter at all. And even when I say that your brain tells you angrily “stop. don’t listen to her. everyone matters. we’re all winners. we all get a trophy.” Ha. If you all get a trophy. You don’t matter. No one is special. Even those people you look up to, celebrities, “pretty people”, maybe your parents or teachers. They aren’t special. They don’t matter. You don’t matter. We’re all human. I hate saying that, but its true. A humans life is no important than another’s. History books we’re made to say that someones life was better: writing up the important people. But its all lies. An illusion of the mind.

Even further thinking: Nothing matters. Your clothes. Your nice things. Your toys. Your computer. Any of this shit. Your fucking MOMMY. When I die, when you die, we don’t take any material possessions with us. I won’t matter anything. You don’t matter. All of the shit that media tells you, you need won’t matter. You won’t take that shit with you. So what does it matter? Why do you quest for “nice things”, for things in general? Nothing matters. 

I’m being disgustingly self-centered and I’ve been like that for a while. I wonder why. I know why. We are conditioned to always think about ourselves. To always feel for ourselves. When you feel bad, you assume the world is bad. When your life sucks, it’s the most important thing in the world. But who cares? Really who cares if your life sucks? Its not their life. There’s a clear cut presence between you and them. You are an entity. You are born alone. And you die alone. You are yourself. At the end of the day, you will always sleep with yourself. You can NEVER escape yourself. But them you can always escape them. There’s always a way out. That’s why everyone is so self-centered. Even when people truly think about others before themselves they always put themselves in the equation. How many times have you heard a celebrity donate to a charity and when asked why they respond with “This cause really moved me. i feel felt for that cause.” Whatever the cause may be, it made the person feel bad. Self-centeredness

In the end, death only scares me because I don’t believe in anything. I think that’s my problem. Humanity has been forced to believe in things. I can’t disprove god or religion or anything. So I won’t say it doesn’t exist, but no one has proved it to me. Therefore I can’t logically believe in it. Or anything really. Death scares me because life has no meaning. And when I die I won’t be anything, but dust and memories.

-Tally, The Spice

This rant will be simple, and shorter than usual because its too offensive and I “know” that. And also I could say so much about this topic. I never understood and still don’t understand why the things that are taboo are taboo.

Death and Sex are both taboos that I for one don’t understand.

First off what is a taboo, just for reference, let’s wikipedia that shit.

*Clears throat*

“A taboo is a strong social prohibition or band relating to any any of human activity or social custom that is sacred and forbidden based on moral judgement and sometimes even religious beliefs. Breaking the taboo is usuaully considered objectionable or ahorrent by society”

So basically, society collectively as a group creates these bullshit rules and we follow them. And what society thinks is “okay” to talk about. It’s a big social FCC. Except its the life CC. Censoring everything I’m allowed to say and trying to shape how i think. It didn’t work. It made me pissed off as you can see. Which leads me into the taboos at hand…

Death: Something we will all meet one day, but no one wants to think about and we’re all afraid of. If it’s going to happen to all of us, why are we all circling around the issue. Pretending its not there. Yes death is scary, no scary is too light its absolutely frightening, but its a fact we all must accept. It also pisses me off when someone dies close to you and people you don’t know will say “I’m sorry.” WHY are you sorry. It’s the “accepted” thing to say, but its bullshit. Your not sorry. It wasn’t your family member or friend. It was mine. You don’t know what it feels like you can’t sympathize. So don’t spew bullshit because its taboo NOT to be able to have “compassion” when someone dies. 107 humans die per minute. Imagine how many sorry’s that is…

To close: I’ll interrupt you with a story I guess. I just started thinking about this and its SO on key I realize. Last year I went this homecoming once with really silly drunk girl friends of mine, and afterwards about 8 of us slept at a friends house in very close courters (like two beds and one was on the floor so it was more of a mattress…) and after a party as we all know, you are coming down from all types of shit, the naturally high of complelting a party experience or other highs… and you when your with friends after these events you may talk a little, but you are worn out mostly. So we all began to attempt to sleep and like twenty minutes in I realize I hear whimpering, thinking I’m just high and stupid I ignore it, but its louder and louder. We all realize one of our friends is crying and when prompted why she says “We’re all gonna die one day.” I can’t say I didn’t want too laugh at the fickleness and often bipolar insainity girls go throughout their days, but it was a very real moment in my life. Someone ecknowledged death, maybe a little too late, but they did. OF COURSE, some are our friends told her to “shut the fuck up” about death because it was too late (only 2 am at the time) to think about shut scary things. And she did eventually, but it was beautiful while it lasted. 

Sex: How do you think you are sitting here, alive, reading this? Unless your some kind of fairy, demon, supernatural thing, your parents, mommy and daddy, fucked (probably in the back of a car high as a kite on coke, weed, or something else although they won’t admit it the 80s\90s were crazy place’s) and then nine months later you were born. So what is the big deal? Sex is not something to be ashamed of or embarrassed. Someone told me once its art. I thought they were just trying to get in my pants at first, a pick up line, but its really true. It is SO hipsterly artistic to think about life, and how you are alive, living in this time, living now. When your dad’s sperm was swimming to your mothers egg, there were millions or sperm in his drop of seminal fluid. So that fact that YOU out of a MILLION sperm reached the egg, is incredible. So why is sex so… unground, so hush-hush. Even with the freedoms we have in 2010, it seems like everyone still giggles at the words “penis” or “vagina”. I include myself in that, but I don’t get why I do it even. Like how did the “penis game” become so popular? Because it makes people uncomfortable. WHY. Sex is something so beautiful, so complicated and so simple, but yet everyone is afraid to talk about it to an existent. And if you do talk about it, don’t you sort of feel, for lack of a better word, “icky” because someone looks at you funny. I hate that by the way, I will be talking about anything remotely sexual, normal conversation, and someone will stare at me like I have three heads. LIKE WHAT I’M SAYING IS SO WRONG. I’m the scum of the earth because I’m open and honest. As teenagers we like to blame this on the generations before us that make sex so “taboo”. We’ve all heard them before

“don’t talk about your “no-no” parts”

“don’t have sex before marriage”

“if you do have should be with someone you LOVE.”

“Boys are only after one thing”

So what. So what if I just wanna bone and not care. Why is that so bad? You cringed when you read that. You judged me. Oh my god, she has no morals. I do but don’t impress your own morals on me, maybe that’s the better saying.

I should back this up with: I’m a virgin and by personally preference, but that’s either story…

I think that’s the ending no. What else is there to say: Taboos suck. Society Poisons you. Choose your own density. Say whatever you want to say. Build your own morals. Spark your genius.

Cute.

-Tally, The Spice